Living with an eating disorder is brutal. The idea of having a greater purpose is completely obscured. There's pain and anguish on all fronts: physical, emotional, and especially mental. It's a relentless cycle of self-doubt and hatred, confusion, and a drive for control that paradoxically strips you of it.

In the depths of despair, it's hard to see anything beyond the current moment of suffering.

But what if buried beneath the layers of pain was a beacon of light and hope waiting to be unearthed? What if your suffering could be the catalyst for something greater than you could even imagine?

The journey from pain to purpose is not only about overcoming difficulty; it's about transforming your struggles into stepping stones that move you and the collective toward a brighter future.

What is Purpose?

Purpose is an underlying reason or motivation that gives direction and meaning to our lives and our actions. It's our calling. It's the intersection of 3 very important things:

Our natural gifts,

Our genuine interests,

And the fulfillment of a human need.

Our calling gives us a sense of satisfaction in knowing that our existence and actions contribute to the greater good on an individual, communal, or global level. Most people do not come into the world aware of their purpose. And if they do, it is likely to change a few times! Some will not gain clarity about their purpose until much later in life. That's ok.

Connecting with purpose is an extremely personal journey. It's a process that asks for self-awareness, exploration, and the ever-important willingness to be uncomfortable.

During my years as a therapist in eating disorder treatment centers, I often ran a group centered on the topic of purpose and meaning. My heart would break for all the precious souls who would look at me with such doubt and disbelief when I discussed how meaning helped transform my eating disorder recovery.

I understood that doubt and disbelief well.

Throughout my youth and young adulthood, I was sure my path was going to be something much different than what it ended up being. I thought my calling was to entertain, to be on stage, to...insert theatrical voice, please...ACT!

Well, I actually returned to the theater not too long ago. Add it's still a glorious passion! But my other passion, helping others heal from the wounds that keep them stuck, is what fuels me and continuously inspires me.

"So, how do I find my purpose?"

I've been asked this question too many times to count - but that's ok! It's an important one. I certainly didn't understand what my purpose was during my eating disorder, particularly during the first few years - or that my eating disorder itself was significant for its fulfillment.

To help shed light along the path of your own journey, ask yourself the following questions:

1. What things may potentially be acting as barriers to the creation or discovery of my calling? (Think addiction, low self-esteem, toxic relationships, lack of inspiration or mentorship, etc.)

2. If those stumbling blocks were no longer in the picture, what would occupy my mind? What sorts of things would naturally draw my interest?

3. In what ways am I open to moving forward in life and stretching my comfort zone, even when I am unsure of my path?

4. In what ways am I not open?

Our path in life unfolds over time, of course, and is seldom straightforward. The more you can practice patience with yourself and stay curious and open, the better. Your purpose may one day strike you like a bolt of lightning. Or it may be a quiet whisper upon the wind for years upon years. 

I was sitting in a therapy group once (not as a therapist, but as a patient) when it first occurred to me that I may one day use my eating disorder experience to help others. I'm not sure where the notion came from, but I remember its dawning clearly.

The doubt kicked in, as if on cue.

"You can barely function. What makes you think you could ever help people?"

I now know that I was hearing the voice of Fear.

It can be scary to embrace purpose; scary to entertain the idea that there is meaning, even in the darkness - because then we are asked to survive it.

Finding the Light Again

As I write this, I'm preparing to witness a total solar eclipse in Vermont, the likes of which have not happened here during my lifetime. At its peak, the sun will be completely obscured and the world around me will be plunged into the dark of night.

Whether because of an eating disorder, a traumatic experience, addiction, depression, or whatever else has plunged your life into shadow and pain, surviving an era of darkness can feel next to impossible.

Fear is so powerful. We unwillingly become experts at recognizing all the ways we could possibly stumble or fail. Fear's ultimate goal is to keep us safe. But that safety comes at the cost of a small life; one of little growth. Our true potential is hidden in the darkness right alongside us.

But it's not impossible to feel fear and do the hard thing anyway.

"If you run from your fears, they will follow you. If you run straight at your fears, they will get the hell out of your way. Fears hate it when you do that." - Jen Sincero

So take that step into the unknown and the discomfort. It's hard in different ways, whether you do or don't.

Choose the good, hard.

And in time, the darkness will lift. The sun will return. And you will bloom.

Believe it, and it will be so.

✨ Josie Munroe, LMFT is a licensed therapist and owner of JosieMunroe.com and Your Sensitive Recovery  As a recovered clinician and Highly Sensitive Person, she loves supporting others on their journeys to form new, empowered relationships with food, their bodies, and their sensitivity. Join the newsletter for a weekly boost of hope and inspiration. You deserve a recovery that works for you! ✨