I've given up on New Year's Resolutions. Well, that's not right. I've broken up with New Year's Resolutions. It was never a good relationship in the first place. Excitement and a gung-ho attitude were always, always followed by shame.
I was trying to change by beating myself up.
But now? Gone are the days of my incessant list-making on the eve of January 1st. Gone is the belief that I can be BRAND NEW in the coming year. Why?
Because there is actually nothing wrong with me. And there is nothing wrong with you.
Those last two sentences might have been difficult for you to read...but bear with me. As a therapist, I deeply understand and celebrate the fact that there is always room for personal growth. But most of us are socialized to go about it in a backward way. How far has self-hatred and self-shaming ever gotten you on the road to positive change?
That's because it doesn't work.
I read somewhere once that less than 10% of those who make New Year's Resolutions are successful. There's something wrong there, and I don't think it's necessarily the goal or the goal-setter, but rather the motivation and the method.
The whole New Year, New You campaign is so obnoxiously worn out. It's about making money off of our insecurities because there is always something being sold.
As author Lori Deschene says, "We can't hate ourselves into a version of ourselves we can love." (How many times have I quoted this in my life??)
The drive to make change is completely normal and a wonderful thing. However, I encourage you to spend some time thinking about what motivates the change you want to make. If your motivation is that you believe you'll like yourself more if you lose "X" amount of weight or visit the gym "X" amount of times per week, it's just not going to happen.
In the book No Sweat, Dr. Michelle Segar shares that people who are motivated to exercise by weight loss are the people who actually do the least amount of exercise. This illustrates my point because the drive for weight loss, on one level or another, is almost always steeped in self-loathing.
When the clock strikes midnight next week, and 2018 dissolves into 2019, I want to challenge you to make the one resolution that may actually change your life:
"This year, I will strive to love myself, just as I am."
✨ Josie Munroe, LMFT is a licensed therapist and owner of JosieMunroe.com and Your Sensitive Recovery As a recovered clinician and Highly Sensitive Person, she loves supporting others on their journeys to form new, empowered relationships with food, their bodies, and their sensitivity. Join the newsletter for a weekly boost of hope and inspiration. You deserve a recovery that works for you! ✨
